Boy/Girl Friendships: Platonic or Fake?

This is a weird subject because I have many guy friends who I love in a non sexual way, most of them made when I was younger, but as I've grown older I've started to wonder whether friendships made now can ever be fully platonic. Obviously there's people I've met and thought, you're interesting I'd like to spend more time with you, and as a singleton its sometimes difficult to differentiate whether that immediate attraction is platonic or not. How easy is it to just be friends with someone that you have a connection with?

That's not to say that I don't think guys and gals can't be just friends but I'm starting to think that the best opposite sex friendships come from one of the party being unavailable; normally due to already being in a relationship. If I meet a guy and I know he has a girlfriend, all x-rated wonderings are immediately put aside because he's taken. And oh look, there's his girlfriend...who turns out to be lovely! What a good couple they are. Good, now that's out of the way I can carry on talking about music/torrenting/superhero movies to my hearts content without having to be charming in any way.

Now, duplicate said situation. There I am having a nice talk to an interesting guy when somehow it comes up that we're both single. Suddenly there's pressure on the situation. Do I now have lipstick on my teeth? I sneezed about four hours ago, I hope some residue hasn't hardened into some resemblance of a polo. Uh oh, pause in the conversation...I've completely forgotten what we were talking about as I was trying to subtly polish my teeth with my tongue. That's before even deciding whether I fancy him.

On the occasions when I don't stumble into freak mode, I genuinely don't realise anything 'sexy' is happening until there's an arm around me or the lean in is already in full swing. That's distressing in itself because what do you do then? It's easy to blow off a stranger but if its someone you enjoy hanging out with, who knows your single, and you don't want to rock that boat...sometimes its easier to just go along with it. Although, in hindsight that never works either. Once someone's seen you naked, the friendship has changed. It has morphed into something very different. Now if you text saying, 'fancy chilling later I'm bored' its read: 'Booty call'. Once clothes hit the floor, nothing is sacred. In my experience it will rarely return to normality, and on the off-chance it does it's because your friendship was rock hard at the beginning, or at least one of you has now found themselves a new relationship.

I was talking to a friend recently who has been living in denial at the sheer amount of people trying to get in her pants for a while. Having been in a relationship when the friendships started, and then carrying them on after a split it's only now that the come-ons are relentless that she has admitted their intentions may be less than honourable. So now she has to decide whether these guys are friends with her based on her personality or on the fact that they wanted to shag her. If it's the latter, hello fakery.

And then there's the 'friends with benefits' situations, which can genuinely work...if it's a new friend and all the cards are laid on the table...and you stop soon as it gets too emosh. It seems to get messy when solid friends start fooling around. If its a case of 'last ones at the party...might as well'...that's going to be uncomfortable in the morning. If it's mainly instigated by one person, let the power struggle begin.

It's just such a hard line to draw back after its been blurred. Even if you've accidentally thought of a friend naked, in a dream or a state of loved up festival vibes, that could take a while to shake off. But ultimately friends are people we've chosen to represent us to the world. The qualities you admire in them are things that you also see in yourself, and that's attractive. So I guess its not the maddest thing in the world to consider now and again whether the grass is greener on the other side... 

What I wonder is whether all friendships have an underlying attraction and if they do; I hope new friends aren't made solely to be considered a future bang you've already put in work with, because that would be a bit sad.

Still alive...

I can't believe how long it's been since my last entry...well actually I can what with not writing one and all. I've been busy bee'ing around teaching, writing, and planning my upcoming adventure (heading off to Peru with a one way ticket, no biggie) so life has sped past at an alarming rate.

While its still fresh in my mind I want to publicly thank A.C.E for getting me on board with the Discovering and Uncovering projects which have been truly life changing. Having worked in hospitality for the past 2 years or so I was beginning to feel very jaded about life and people as a whole. Working with a banterous staff team, catching jokes whilst mentoring some of the most talented young people in Bristol today has been wicked. Not only has it made me more confident in my skills as a musician, it has also inspired me to carry on developing and making music. It can be difficult in this business to stop yourself wondering "what's the point?". When progression isn't easily measured it can start to feel like you haven't achieved anything, but just seeing the passion in the people I've been blessed working with has given me back my mojo. Hello life, loving you again.

Here's a video from one of the Uncovering groups, check the Bristol talent:

It's crazy how many wicked opportunities have started popping up. Obviously a month before I fly to the other side of the world I start meeting interesting people. That's the way life goes though really, soon as you make a massive change all things you thought life was lacking before start appearing. It's good though, to get mini confidence boosts in almost every aspect, now I'm even more excited to embark on my little adventure. It's encouraging to think I've left behind a life I enjoy, that I can come back to.

Anyway, short and sweet one today as I have revision to be getting on with. So annoying saying that when all my uni friends have just finished their degree's.... Pssh whatever, I'm carrying on my studies in South America bitches - KAPOW!!!!

Here's a little something from me before I go xxx

Tuesday Tuuuuuneday

It's SUMMERTIIIIIIME, and after twerkin my way round St Pauls, these are the bangers that got me going:

The LEGENDS that are Jus Now, if I could put up the entire set...I would.

Also, cause they have the best carnival vibes, check the soundcloud mix:
https://soundcloud.com/jusnow/jus-now-daily-dose-mix-may

ME AH LOVE SOOOOOOOCA

Best of: Bristol Graff

Last weekend, I was showing family round Bristol and decided to make most of what we saw all the graffiti/street art that was on offer. I fell in love with this city all over again....

These were taken mostly on Nelson Street in the Centre

These were taken on North Street, Bedminster

Mixed Race

Disclaimer:

All I can do is write based on my personal point of view. So before you read on, know that I am aware everyone has their own experiences and I am merely portraying my own thoughts on this matter. It is a big issue, as to which we all have our own opinions. These are mine.

The subject I am briefly addressing is that of being a mixed race person in British society. The reason this has come to mind is because recently I got into a discussion with a friend who shall remain nameless and meant no harm, but who said that in his opinion, being mixed race, if anything gave you more options then if you were simply black or white and that it was more of a help than a hindrance.

Now I have many issues with this statement. One of the biggest being that this was coming from a white middle class fellow that really could have no idea what it's like to be mixed race. I didn't get angry because firstly, he didn't know what he was talking about and secondly, I think many people have misconceptions of what it is to be mixed race. Especially because every persons experience is different. For me personally, in my past being mixed race has never helped me. Until recently, when I began I appreciate the gift that it is to have so many different cultures and stories mixed up in my heritage, I saw being mixed race as another quality that made me stick out from my peers.

The way I try to explain this to people is that if there were two rooms, one full of black people and one full of white people, I would stick out in both. And that's what it's always been for me. In school, at home, with my family, with my friends, I've been different. All prejudice really boils down to is people's perceptions of others and themselves. I'm just not wild about letting someone tell me how lucky I am to be mixed race before they consider the years of prejudice and self-doubt that's come with being born with a certain skin colour in a society that isn't always willing to let you forget it.

Even now I don't feel totally comfortable in my skin here. As a mixed race child in Britain I was bullied in Wales for being black, and bullied in Bristol for being a wash out. I've been told I was a 'crap black person' because I didn't act a certain way, and though I've always attempted to laugh it off, it's a confusing thing. Why can't I just be whoever I am? Why do I have to conform to someone else's idea of what a black person is or should be? The only time I've felt truly happy in my skin is when I was in New York, because there it didn't matter. Everyone was mixed race; so no-one was. Class was more of an issue and because I'm English, no-one could really pin point me- it was amazing. Suddenly my personality was the only thing that was judged, my skin colour had nothing to do with it.

Maybe I'm more conscious of how people act around me because I've had bad experiences. Only a couple of months ago I went to a pub in the middle-of-nowhere English countryside with my mum, and the second I walked in I felt uncomfortable. I remember my mum looking at me and asking why I was so angry, but I didn't have an answer. It had been such a long time since I'd walked into a room and had every pair of blank eyes look at what I was doing, I'd forgotten what that feeling was. As soon as we left (after about 5 minutes) I recognised what had happened; the stares that which may not have been hateful, were still relentless. They made me feel like I didn't belong, I wasn't welcome.

Then there's the 'casual racism' that occurs with friends and strangers, which also isn't ok. I don't know why I still allow people to say things to me like, 'you're our token, you make the whole group feel like we're not racist'. Really? You really said that to me?! And I'm just supposed to laugh it off...?! I clearly need new friends. People at various jobs that have picked up on having a 'sista' on the team to ask all the 'black' questions. Its infuriating...and yet I play along because I don't really know what else to do. Being mixed race, on occasion, has turned me into a bridge; its like wearing a mascot costume you can't take off.

At the end of the day racism is a big word, and not one that should be used lightly. I know that most of the people that say stupid shit are doing so out of ignorance and not hate which is the difference. But of all the apparent awareness that's promoted, I can't see a whole lot of positive change. Apparently now, the only way to prove your NOT racist is to be REALLY racist...but in a FUNNY way!

Guess what, it's never funny. Think before you speak, because you never know what experiences someone else may have had. Racism is never a subject for banter, its personal and significant, and should not be joked about by others.

Tuesday Tuuuuuneday

Oh yes, here we are again at Tuesday...that came around a bit fast...

Now in a very self obsessed kinda way, I'm actually choosing MYSELF to top the Tuesday Tuneday list purely because...well, I can. And its two of my favourite songs ever.

So here's me singing Erykah Badu and Jill Scott, Tyrone/Gettin' In The Way

And just so I don't appear horrifically conceited, here's a grower that's hooked me in throughout the week despite myself... The video is weird though. Don't know how I feel about it...maybe just press play and then click back to Facebook....

And last but by no means least, the BANGER that was played at my aunts wedding. It got my gran up and then prompted her, on the tune that followed, to get down low with me. She instigated it...and schooled me. YES NAN!!!

Tuesday Tuuuuuneday

Haven't done this in a while cause I've been SLACKIN, but The Weeknd has a new tune out which I'm a bit late too. Since hearing it though...straight up repeat. Have a listen...

In true love of The Weeknd (imitation is the highest form of flattery innit) Here's my rendition of Wicked Games

Also.... This.