c) OMG why am I still typing when I have so much work to do??!!!
Stress levels were HIGH yesterday (they're not exactly low now but, what ya gonna do?!)
Emotionally difficult weekend followed by lots of mini stresses which grew into bigger stresses until I realised I'd bitten 2 fingernails so much they were bleeding...
On the bus back from work Abra 'Needsumbody' came up on YouTube shuffle & I needed to go home and try it. I was worried it would be awful because I wasn't in a great headspace and I love the track and I didn't want to do a bad job and spiral into a pit of sadness (I think we can assume I was feeling a little anxious generally) But I went home and did it! Didn't do ANYTHING I was meant to do but also didn't have a panic attack sooooooooo we'll be calling that a draw life 👌🏽
It's not perfect, but neither am I! It's ridiculous to think I can be the best, strongest version of myself everyday and I'm trying to remind myself of that and trying to embrace moments of vulnerability, to turn them into something positive. Hope everyone out there in cybers is alright - here's the experimental end product if you fancy a listen xx
Reviews: Review: Katy B, Nadia Rose and more, Motion
Ngaio Anyia, November 14, 2016
There is a trap that you can fall into when attending Motion regularly - failing to be surprised. The DJs are the pull so it’s easy to think you already know what kind of night it’s going be before it’s begun.
Saturday was a very pleasant surprise, however. The Room One lineup of Katy B (a peculiar choice I thought - couldn’t quite imagine her flying solo), J Hus who’s had solid radio play and finally Nadia Rose, famously elusive when it comes to turning up, resulted in me approaching the night with manageable expectations.
As soon as I walked in everyone was smiles. It still had that ‘freshers’ first time at Motion’ vibe but it was the least arrogant crowd I’ve seen there for a long time. Throughout the night I heard strangers giving each other compliments, groups giving apologetic excuses as they meandered through the crowd and smiles exchanged between most who made eye contact. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relaxed there.
The Cave, generally the room to dance-walk through to get to where the real fun is, was packed. I would happily have spent the entire night in there, due largely to ALXZNDR (above) shelling out some of the best mixes I’ve heard in a while. Old school garage, grime - it was nostalgia delivered expertly, sans the cheese. He's one of the residents at Psyched in Bristol. I recommend him highly - the next night is on the 26th.
Katy B was a little late, to the point where people were frantically asking each other if they’d missed her, but lo and behold when she arrived the place erupted. It was a set of hits you couldn’t help but dance to. Lights On had everyone singing her lyrics to each other with relish, while On A Mission whipped the crowd into a frenzy. The wonderful thing about Motion not being full to the brim with people is that there actually room to dance - a godsend when J Hus graced the stage - it was music to dance to. I swiftly realised he was that artist that I always hear in mixes and forget to look up, but so many of his tracks are fire. Everyone found a dancing partner for Friendly, flipping between dancehall, basement and bass music it was a high energy set which perfectly transitioned from drum & bass to grime.
As the Friendly-made couples turned round to greet their sporadic dance partners, the woman I’d been waiting for came out of the shadows: Nadia Rose. So rarely do you see a female grime artist in the main room at prime time, but there she was and she delivered her cut-above lyrics with intense precision. Her quickfire set of hits and exclusives, accompanied by a female beatboxer, had the crowd jumping. I failed to get the beatboxer's name but, damn, she delivered. With one foot on the speaker, Rose exhileratingly shot out lyrics celebrating females, and Skwod in particular had us dancing with abandon. There was something about seeing a woman of colour unapologetically dominate the stage which couldn’t help but fill me with pride.
This is what I love about In:Motion, the lineups are put together thoughtfully and perfectly. I’m already waiting with baited breath for DJ EZ on November 2.
Oh wow, I feel like so much has happened since I wrote my last blog post.
I've been meaning to write another one for months now but have been totally slammed with work/life/music/work/work/work/work/work but now I have my morning coffee break to get some thoughts out of my brain so as per, figured I'd share them!
Just to give some context as to where I am now, on the 7th July I woke up, scrolled through my facebook feed and saw Philando Castile dying on camera. The 32 year old school cafeteria supervisor was in the car with his girlfriend Diamond Reynolds and her four year old daughter when he was pulled over by a policeman. When Castile told the policeman he had a gun (as you're supposed to in America - you have to declare to the law when you have a registered firearm) the policeman fatally shot him in the arm. He died and the policeman was sent on paid leave. Watch the video and read the full story here.
Two days beforehand Alton Sterling, a 37 year old father of five, was pinned down by two police officers at a convenience store for selling CDs and shot several times at point blank range. You can also watch the video via the above link.
Ever since Sandra Bland's dashcam footage and resulting death in police custody, I have woken up fast. It wasn't enough anymore to only talk about the struggle when it was comfortable or to explain different points of view in docile terms because...we're beyond that. When I saw Akua Naru perform last year I remember her saying, "this has been going on in America for a long time, it's just y'all know about it now." We are incredibly fortunate that the internet and social media give us access to things that would otherwise be hearsay - there is no denying the truth when it's laid out for you in the way these deaths are, but I wasn't ready for it.
That day, I felt so sick. Sick with fear and anger but mostly overwhelming sadness. Throughout the day I got 4 calls from friends who cried with me down the phone while I sat in the bathroom at work. The overwhelming question of... Why? Why is this happening? Why is this being allowed to happen? Why isn't everyone crying right now...? Why?
That weekend I was going to go to London to be part of the Black Lives Matter march because I had to do something - anything. Then I asked a friend of mine why one wasn't happening in Bristol. She said she'd been talking about it with a couple of other members of the community, I was joined to the conversation and within 24 hours we organised a Black Lives Matter march to which a thousand people joined and it was one of the proudest moments of my life. To see such a wide variety of ages and races come together to say collectively that Black Lives Matter gave me hope.
Since that march I've been thinking about how 'active' activism is. Does it always have to be a thousand strong march through the city? Or can it be something so small as challenging perceptions, asking a question that others would rather ignore - because in a lot of ways I think that's harder. To talk to people you like or may even love about issues that don't affect them in the same way. I've grown up predominantly around white, middle class people and my Facebook page reflects that. Over the past couple of years, that demographic has changed as I meet new people, join different discussions and what I'm left with now is a mix of people who are 'Woke' and 'Somewhat Aware'.
As someone from a mixed heritage I'm not unfamiliar with being in this middle ground but my god, it was FAR easier organising a Black Lives Matter march than having to explain to people who you may have known since childhood about the daily struggle because ultimately...you don't want to have to keep explaining. You just want them to:
A) Understand that they are living a different life to you
B) Listen to what you're saying and not see your frustration at the system as a personal attack
C) Not make you into an 'angry black person' because you're sparking questions they don't want to think about
Now, just because I'm loud and opinionated, does NOT mean I think I'm always right. Ever. I'm always up for a healthy discussion. But if we come to the discussion of race I would never think to tell a white person or a darker skinned person, how they should feel...because it's not my place. I do not know their life experience, only my own.
I am very aware that I benefit from white privilege as a mixed race, lighter skinned black person. So if someone begins to tell me how they experience the world, how arrogant do I have to be to say, "actually I think you're wrong"... Because how would I know?! There are some who can't help but feel the need to be relevant - to always have an opinion and often those people are the ones who are 'Somewhat Aware'. Maybe they feel somewhat guilty - but your guilt is doing nothing but derailing the conversation.
Those conversations are the hardest ones to have - the small challenges that can occur everyday because those are the ones where you may actually have an argument with someone you like, where you may both find yourselves in an uncomfortable position. I remember having a conversation about racial prejudice with one of my friends once and she was telling me about this horrible guy she works with that makes derogatory racial jokes all the time and I asked her why she hadn't confronted him. She said "coming from a skinny white girl, it's not exactly my place"... but it is your place. It's everyone's place because he's going to pay more attention to your outrage than he is mine.
“People won’t listen to you or take you seriously unless you’re an old white man, and since I’m an old white man I’m going to use that to help the people who need it.” – Patrick Stewart
This is why, for now, I leave my politically motivated Facebook posts public. I have a network of pretty intelligent people from different backgrounds, most of whom's opinions I respect and will listen to...but there are still questions to be asked, perceptions to be challenged and difficult conversations to be had. Even when I'm not trying to start a debate it seems to happen, every time my phone vibrates I get a little pit in my stomach thinking "Fuuuuck, what's kicking off now?"... but I can handle that pit in my stomach, I'm used to it.
Nothing ever got solved on Facebook and I'm not under any illusions that my opinion is any more valid than anyone else's but I'm not afraid of conflict. More often than not, I think it's something we can all learn from.
I've been quiet for a while, mostly because life has steam rolled ahead and I haven't had time to sit down and write anything but now... Brexit. A campaign based entirely on prejudice and greed.
I tried my best to forget about it whilst at Glastonbury (which I'll be writing much happier things about in my next post) but I can't ignore it anymore. This is a decision that has been made, by and large, by a generation that doesn't have to live with the consequences. I woke up this morning and saw yet another video of some brutish, uneducated, racist thugs attacking a person of colour on public transport. I then went onto The Guardian and saw that Labour were trying to oust Jeremy Corbyn who seems like the only politician who has any moral standing or positive vision in the government so far.
I then went to work and received messages from friends saying they were too afraid to leave their houses or go on public transport because they now feel the world is a frightening place and their home no longer wants them. Then I got angry. I got really fucking angry.
A lot of people seem surprised that the vote has gone the way that it has. I keep hearing people say, 'I can't believe this has happened'....
I believe it.
I believe it because from the ages of 5-9 I was the only person of colour living in a small minded town where prejudices were passed down from generation to generation. Kids at school didn't know why they didn't like me, they just knew that their parents and grandparents looked at me like I was worthless, like I was a dirty spot on their perfect white town, and so hate bred hate.
Last week I saw a little Jamaican boy with his mum in a butchers in Easton asking the guy working there when England was playing football. He said, "I'm supporting England because I'm British and I love England" and as I smiled at him, my heart broke a little because I was afraid one day someone might make him question that, with a look, or a comment, or violence.
I prayed that, unlike me, he wouldn't be told day after day that he didn't belong, that he wasn't welcome...that he wasn't wanted... And then Brexit happened and racists everywhere were told that their voices had been heard. Their prayers had been answered. They were getting Britain back.
But what Britain are they trying to get back? This is the question I've been asking myself over and over, what do you want Britain to look like? If it's a country full of white people, you'll have to take us back to the 1800s, to Henry VIII, to the Tudors because there were black people here then too you know.
In an article named The Missing Tudors: black people in 16th Century England, an extract reads:
"These Africans were baptised, buried and recorded in parish records in London, Plymouth, Southampton, Barnstaple, Bristol, Leicester, Northampton and other places across the country."
The Nation's favourite dish was Chicken Tikka Masala for a decade, only in 2014 did that change. We held the Olympics where we were proud that British citizens triumphed, whether they were white or not. And then what, Nigel Farage comes along with his backwards party and starts to split the country in half - is that really how easy it is to divide us? One stupid man who's married to a German woman, has half German children but because their white, it's alright?
Those who voted to leave made a mistake, but I only know this because in the past 2 years I have had to wake up and educate myself on politics. I know that Britain has an unattractive trait of not learning from its mistakes. For a tiny island we have an over inflated ego and very little ability to take responsibility for our actions.
Lest we forget, the reason there is such a high level of immigration in this country is because, as a tiny little island, the UK needed people to come over here and fight for them - to die for them. These people were brought in from India, Africa and Asia (mainly during the First World War) to die for Britain, but were quickly erased from the history books. The documentary by David Olusoga, named The World's War: Forgotten Soldiers of Empire goes into further detail.
After the Second World War, immigration boomed when Jamaicans and Africans were recruited to do manual labour jobs and told their 'second home' was Britain... From what my family has told me, I don't think they felt that way when they turned up. Our history is drenched in using other countries to make ours more successful going all the way back to slavery and yet 52% of the Nation has decided they don't want anymore 'outsider's' in their country.
People can try to tell me as much as they want that this wasn't about race or racism or prejudice or xenophobia, but you are lying to yourselves if you think those of us that are British; have always been British and will always be British don't see it that way.
That those who have come here to be safe because they aren't safe in their countries, don't see it that way.
That those who have come here to work at jobs people here can't or won't do, don't see it that way.
A choice has been made that sends a very clear and a very sad message to those in the UK and beyond, and it makes me desperately ashamed to be painted with the same brush.
But here's the thing - there are those in this world who feed off hate because it makes them feel bigger than they are. Those who have to go with a pack mentality because they don't how to think for themselves and those who simply make bad decisions, but they don't have to hold all the power. We are the only ones who can give others' permission to make us feel any smaller than we are.
We are bigger together. We are stronger together and we shine brighter together. And that 'togetherness' is not based on race, it's based on mentality. As a mixed race woman I am part of many different worlds and they are a part of me. I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry but when I came home and cried on my mum's shoulder today, I decided that I wouldn't be scared. I wouldn't give them that power over me.
Social media is a very powerful thing, it can open our eyes to the truth but it can also feed hysteria so I won't be re-posting anything negative I see for a while. I will forward things that will give me hope that life won't look so bleak tomorrow.
If anyone in the Bristol area does experience ANY form of attack (verbal, physical, anything) then contact SARI (Stand Against Racism and Inequality) - click for link. They are a dedicated, hard working team that will help you through it and help you report it. Silence will not help us move forward. We have regulations in this country which make any form of abuse ILLEGAL. Stay informed but don't be afraid, because you are not alone. Xx P.S. For all my Corbyn backer's in need of some hope right now:
'Last year Jeremy won a quarter of a million votes. Today he lost the confidence of 170 people who never supported him in the first place.
The vote of no confidence by Labour MPs has no standing under Labour rules; it’s window-dressing a thoroughly undemocratic coup with a made-up attempt to look democratic.
35 MPs nominated Jeremy last year and 40 stood with him today – an increase in parliamentary support if anything.
Hundreds of thousands have indicated their support for Jeremy in the last forty-eight hours.
I wouldn't normally share my BBC work on my blog but I think this is such a complex debate that really needs to be considered on more than one viewpoint.
This is a story I put together for BBC Bristol (though the article below is not my writing, I only provided the info) about how the closure of sex entertainment venues would affect those currently working in the industry.
It was picked up by BBC Points West - playback here from 11.24 onwardshttp://bbc.in/1RiFcek
Esme Worrell and Marvin Rees also led Emma Britton's Breakfast Show debating the subject on BBC Radio Bristol - playback here http://bbc.in/1RhZG6N
Bristol mayoral election: Marvin Rees defends strip club ban pledge
Image captionLabour candidate Marvin Rees was runner-up in the 2012 election
A Labour mayoral candidate has defended his promise to try to ban strip clubs from Bristol - after a social media backlash from women working in the industry.
Marvin Rees pledged to rid the city of sexual entertainment venues if he is elected, arguing they could "feed into" wider inequality.
But stripper Esme Worrell branded the idea "short-sighted" and "patronising".
Mr Rees said he would work with the council's licensing committee.
'Bandwagon jumping'
He was criticised after he announced the pledge on via Twitter on International Women's Day, along with a promise to make half of his cabinet women and to prioritise abuse victims for social housing.
Strippers took the site to accuse him of "trying to destroy the livelihood of hundreds of women", "bandwagon jumping" and "criminalising" women in the industry.
Ms Worrell, from Bristol, said Mr Rees should investigate the clubs himself to see how they are run.
She said: "I think a man storming in and telling us that he's going to ban our work ... it is patronising because why should somebody be telling me what I should be doing with my body?
"In a consensual adult environment...you shouldn't be able to police other people's work choices, if they are legal."
'Listened to women'
The committee, not the mayor, decides on the policy around venues - which offer lap dancing, pole dancing, and strip shows.
Mr Rees said his pledge was backed by the mayor's women's commission.
"In the last election, all mayoral candidates supported a 'nil cap' on sexual entertainment venues. We've just listened to what women have said," he said.
He said a "real concern" was whether the venues "feed into wider inequalities that are faced by women". "Is the price paid by wider Bristol very very high for this?"
Mr Rees will go up against the current, independent mayor George Ferguson in May. Other candidates selected so far include Lib Dem Kay Barnard, Conservative Charles Lucas, Green candidate Tony Dyer and UKIP's Paul Turner.
In 2012 Swansea and Wellingborough, Northamptonshire, banned sex entertainment venues.
First published: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-35800643
There are 3 clashes from Red Bull this year in Bristol, Manchester and London - but in my opinion Bristol got the best teams (admittedly London's teams haven't been announced yet...but our line-ups hard to beat!)
We had:
Butterz Sound
Team Tectonic
Stylo G's Warning Sound
DJ Die presents Gutterfunk
Tectonic had to be there as champions of a clash at Motion last year. Headed up by Pinch, even as I was walking in I overheard people chatting about Tectonic’s dubplates, soundsystem... But I get ahead of myself.
If you've never been to a clash before, there are certain rules that apply. There can be no double play's of a track. At all. All night. Break the rule and you get disqualified from the round.
The winners of each round are decided by crowd reaction or a decibel reader if it’s too close to call.
A dub plate (a song which has had different lyrics recorded over it hyping up/trash talking a team) can make or break a round.
The four rounds go like this:
Pressure drop: 10 minute warm up for each team to showcase their sound
The Selector: DJs play any style, musical knowledge is a necessity
Sleeping With The Enemy: tables are turned as crews play each other's sound
Armageddon: each brings out their biggest anthems to win over the crowd once and for all
Gutterfunk kicked off the night with some legendary Drum & Bass - proper Bristol sound. They got the crowd hyped and ready for what the evening had to offer.
However Butterz sound finished it off with ease. With P Money as their main MC, as soon as 'Skeng' The Bugwas followed by ‘Slang Like This’ the crowd knew who to yell for.
They won the crowd from early but after dropping so much fire quick, could they keep it?
The way Tectonic took down Warning Sound in Round 2 was a sight to behold. Not only did they bring out Lady Chann (an ex of on of Stylo’s MC’s - MC Stormin) but with their legendary sound system they annihilated some of the biggest jungle/dancehall tracks.
Believe me when I say the trash talk stepped up a level when Lady Chann shouted over to Warning Sound to ‘stop pretending and put in your blue contacts’… Ouch.
Saying that, after the amount of people Stylo G took to the stage in Round 3 (Lethal Bizzle, Chip, Fekky to name a few) and the amount of dubplates he came armed with (So Solid Crew “21 seconds’, Section Boyz “Lock Arff”, Beenie Man freshly shipped from Jamaica) he took Round 3.
The energy that stage had when the whole crew was up there was mad. When a crew is that gassed it’s infectious. There may have been too many wheel ups for me (I really wanted to hear more than 45 seconds of Fester Skank) but ultimately they made it a two crew race: Gutterfunk vs Warning Sound.
By Round 4, everyone was running from team to team but I have to give a special mention to the hardcore Warning Sound fans whose loyalty held them steady at the front of Stylo’s stage.
Every team bought their A Game but Gutterfunk tore the place down with their feel good music.
Every genre that makes you want to dance with the person next to you was brought out. Paul Johnson’s Get Get Down was my personal highlight. Their ‘keep people moving and smiling’ approach is what encapsulates Bristol as the music loving city it is. When they brought out their Unfinished Sympathy dubplate sung to perfection by Bristol’s own Eva Lazarus the crowd went insane.
It was a tough call deciding between Warning Sound and Gutterfunk and the decibel metre had to be used but when Julie Adenuga came to the middle of the room to announce the winners, people had already started to gravitate towards the Gutterfunk stage.
Bristol champions and rightly so, DJ Die and Dismantle showed that knowledge of your crowd will win their loyalty and you don’t need to trash talk to win.
👌🏽
