I chose this picture to go with this poem because it makes me think of the thin line between what's wanted short term and what's needed long term. For instance, all living things depend on light and water to survive. But too much light and the colour of the petals are impaired. Too much water and the stem begins to curve, the flower drowns.

To me, it symbolised the trap that's so easy to fall into. Finding the balance between acting on impulse and thinking about the repercussions that are sure to follow.

Would I still want you if I could have you,

Is it your silence that draws me in?

The mystery that seems to cloud you,

Makes me second guess; everything.

Phrases I would have said before-

Sentences that didn't need thought.

Sound different when secrets hit the floor,

And we've unveiled what we sought.

But now, over thinking actions,

Without uttering a single word.

Leaves me craving satisfaction,

With no idea how to make it curb.

Neon

Bright lips, Black eyes,
Flashing neon in the darkness.
Twinkling red, like fire-flys,
Deflects the appearance of madness.

Shine through shadow,
Cut through light,
The cheeks are left. 
Obsolete.

But the piercing stare,
Mounted a-top the glare,
Leaves the softness
Indiscreet. 

Feast

I have been bed-ridden (apart from work) since last week and its been SO BORING!!! The head cold has started to dissipate but my appetite's gone with it...which has made eating anything incredibly difficult. My sense of taste is non-existent and my stomach has been churning like a mother, so naturally I wrote a poem about it.

This is a picture I saw in Amsterdam. It's a self portrait of the artist who suffered from depression, combated by over indulgence in everything - food, alcohol, cigarettes - and the more he consumed, the worst he felt. He was caught in a vicious cycle. I found the picture quite disturbing, mostly because I identified with it so much. Anyway, it popped up in my head this morning when I was wishing I could keep something down and thinking how ironic it was considering the amount of times I've wished to lose my appetite in order to lose a few pounds. Funny how things change.

Feast

Distressed; my empty body,

This hollow can't be filled.

There's an ache growing; hungry,

But this nausea can't be killed.

Starve me of emotion,

And I'll binge on my regrets.

All the questions left unspoken...

Now look at what I've left.

Crumbs of wishful thinking,

Perhaps its better this way.

I can't define what I'm tasting,

But this flavour, I'd like, to stay.

Tuesday Tuneday

Right, just before I go and do some actual work here's some tuneage for y'all. Tuesday Tuneday!

Fancy more music from me? Follow me on Spotify - Ngaio Anyia xx

Left

Sitting in my favourite coffee shop, The Otherside (for any travellers looking for a nice chilled vibe, it's just by the Flowermarket-wicked brownies) in the Dam, I'd eaten a brownie and had been reading Shakespearean sonnets for....roughly four hours when these words swam into my mind. I didn't really have a 'subject' that I was writing about but when I went to the Stedelijk Museum Amsterdam a few days later and saw this photograph, everything clicked.

Left

When hand held, dropped unceremoniously

Reaches out to another, sapped of dignity

What win is brought to the players that held

The cards but did not explain the deal?

A heart fractured can be mended 

When the scars are allowed to heal

Past loves can be remembered 

Once the pain is accepted to be real.

Roads walked time again by footsteps 

That were once brave

Are now planned suspiciously;

But what is achieved when life is lived afraid?

The heart we are born with is pure-

Innocence that veils the eye

When experience is thrust upon us

Layers of expression build inside.

Emotion forming clouds 

Over what you thought you knew

Desperate times drenched in madness.

What's presented to the world;

Hidden treasure behind a lie

Could be seen as a smoke-screen to sadness.

...and after 5 months of silence...

Once again I have been distracted from blogging. Life does seem to take over now and again and after supposedly cleaning up my raving ways after the summer, a certain pre x-mas binge sent me off the rails again. I just love to party, what can I say?!

Well, I've decided to give myself a break again. No festivals booked or planned, this summer is going to be spent saving, studying, and learning Spanish for future endeavours. The past few months have been a series of job hopping, soul searching, and music developing. There has also been a LOT of poetry writing, so that's what these next few posts are going to be.

I took my (now mandatory) yearly trip to Amsterdam and spent most of the time tripping balls in museums. Though I also made time for coffee shops, getting completely immersed in my own world and reading Shakespearean poetry to myself...it was intense.

Since being back in Bristol I've developed the pictures taken in the Dam, and stuck them in a book along with all the poetry I've accumulated over the past few months...so here's some of it to read as you wish...

xx