Up this year is, Creative Writing and Discovering Social Sciences. I'm going to be like sooooo cultured.
Just read the first chapter of my creative course book and did a couple of the activities which included 'free writing' where you write whatever comes into your head as quickly as possible, and also mind mapping, whilst listening to Lianne La Havas (one of my new obsessions).
Its funny what comes out when you write. Mind maps are easier to control because your linking up ideas with other ideas so a connections formed in your mind before you write anything down. There's an element of control over what your putting on the page. Free writing takes me to deeper places in my mind that I'm not really expecting, similar to song writing. I discover things about myself every time I write without thinking, thoughts and feelings are highlighted that I didn't think were present.
The first mind map the book told me to focus on had a nuclear point of 'Fear' which is an interesting place to start for anyone. Thinking about it now, if someone asked me to define fear, I would say fear of heights, spiders, pain, pretty much all superficial things. And yet, when it came up in my open-minded state, the first three things I wrote were, myself, failure, and love. Did not know those were the top three, though thinking about it everyone wants to succeed at something, even if they don't know what it is yet. What's the point in being here if there's nothing your working towards? I think the difference I feel when pursuing a creative career is that I want to do something I love for the rest of my life. There's no easy path I can go down, and there's so many talented musicians and writers in the world that if I don't make it, I only have myself to blame really.
It's been funny this summer, almost all my friends have finished uni and come home with their degrees ready to start climbing that ladder that will get them to where they want to be and I've been in this constant flux of 'Fuck, what the hell have I got to show for the past three years of my life?' and 'Thank god I'm not in debt'...though I must say the latter is usually an afterthought to make me feel better after the panic the first thought gives me. And its true, I don't have anything to prove what I've done in the past three years. Not in the same way that they do. I don't have something that proves I've been working for my future and my dream but I do have me. I've learnt so much in the past few years about myself and what I need to do to get to where I want to be, not to mention the growing confidence I have in my self, my music, and my abilities. I also have the optimism thats come from watching my friends and me growing into the people we're going to be, and the excitement of every new artist I listen to that inspires me and makes me want to step up my game. I have my awesome flat and my brilliant housemate. And I have baking. Nuff said.
So, after my reflective afternoon, I've looked at all the amazing things I have in my life to counteract looking at my top three 'fears' because, you know what I'm only 22. I'm hoping I've got another 60 odd years to work on those fears. Whatever I do, failure's never going to be an option as long as I'm doing something that makes me happy. I'd rather be dirt poor and singing or writing everyday, with my friends and family around me, than rich, lonely and doing something I hate.
So on that note, here's a few things that have made me smile this week...Enjoy xxx
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