Beyonce?! I'm Not A Fan

As regular blog readers will know, I do like to occasionally have a rant. Today is one of those days. Too many times have I found myself in this situation: surrounded by new acquaintances, in a club, or someone’s house, suddenly Beyonce's popped onto the airwaves and all eyes are on me. Now, my close friends, or those who have accidentally stumbled across the rant on their way to the dance-floor, know not to try and engage me in the Beyonce hype...ever. I'm not impressed by you shouting lyrics in my face because I don't know them - I change the station when she comes on, I kid you not. I'm not about to admit my love, and partake in the joy of yet another generic song that's pushed out by her. Shock horror, I’m not a fan.

It’s funny how surprised people seem to be when I say this. Immediately, it's ‘oh really, I would expect someone like you to love her. I mean,she’s a really good role model for you isn’t she?! Even if you don’t like her music, she’s a really good performer’. Firstly, why? Why should someone like me like her? Because she’s light skinned and a singer I’m presuming (Didn’t realise she was the only one of those in the world…) casual racial stereotype, don’t worry about it. Secondly, would I consider her a good role model? No actually, I wouldn’t. Not in any way. Thirdly, being a good performer isn’t actually what all musicians are striving to be, but thanks for showcasing all your preconceptions about me so neatly.

Now, all those cursing me, let me present my argument. Anyone who tries to say Beyonce isn’t an incredibly talented singer is an idiot. There’s no two ways about it, she is very good at what she does, and being one of the millions who grew up listening to Destinys Child, it was clear from the beginning that she was the star. Centre stage most of the time, always wearing the best outfits, her backing singers (I mean band members) had no chance of outshining her. I don't think anyone  was surprised when she announced her solo career. And here’s where my issue began.  Her first solo music video came out and the first thing I thought was, where are her clothes?! Here’s a woman that has spent years building a career in the music industry, one that is normally dominated by men. Being respected by her peers based on her talent, she was in an incredibly influential position, and what does she do?! She throws it away by shaking her bum in the camera like a desperate wannabe. It wasn’t necessary for her career, she was already at the top of her game, so why did she do it? And what message does that put to younger generations?

 

At this point I normally get the counter argument of ‘yeah but Rihanna takes off her clothes, and you don’t mind her’. Here’s the thing, from her first video Rihanna's sexuality was her selling point. She's always been an average singer who makes catchy songs and produces a lot of sex appeal. She is a performer, an image, and fair play to her. Whether or not she’s been exploited by her record company is another issue…At the end of the day sexuality is a powerful thing and I’m all for women reclaiming it, but why has it become the norm for women to use it as a way to further their career?

Part of it is down to the media and its obsession with glamour models and celebrity culture. It forces unrealistic ideals onto women everywhere. Exactly which goals should we be attempting to achieve? A figure that comes from having a personal chef and spending half your life exercising? And what happens when you do manage to get to that point? You then have to take off your clothes to prove you have the body everyone should strive towards. Never mind having a job, children, a life…If you have extra fat, you’ve failed. Not only is it a complete throwback to appreciating the natural figures we were born with, its affecting the self confidence of girls from a ridiculously young age. No girl should be on a diet before she hits puberty, its fucking ridiculous.

And this is where my problem with Beyonce stems from – not that I think she is solely responsible for the female populations lack of confidence, she is one swirl of icing on a very large cake. My issue is that she is the celebrity figure that disappointed me in the way she chose to further her career. From the early nineteenth century women have been fighting for their right to be seen as equals to men. They turned away from their sexuality in order to be seen and accepted based on the many different things they have to offer the world, that wasn't based on their waist size. It’s so disappointing that we seem to have gone in a full circle, or even further. Because now its not just men treating women badly, it's also women treating women badly. It opened my eyes to the fact that women are still 2^nd class citizens in the media, the music industry, the entertainment industry, the porn industry, even in every day life we are generally paid less than the average man. Its ridiculous, and yet its accepted. Why is that?! And why are we then encouraged to look a certain way in order to further our careers? How can we expect younger generations to respect themselves when all they’re shown is women using their sexuality as a pawn in order to get on a fast track to success?

When we reach our goals, it should be because we’ve worked hard doing something we love and put in the graft that’s expected, working in an industry that’s based on talent and commitment, not on how we look in a bikini.


Here are my favourite female artists around at the moment

They're awesome, and they're clothed - MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!

Reflection Afternoon...

Open University, Level 2 has now officially started in the Anyia household. How happy am I?! Very.

Up this year is, Creative Writing and Discovering Social Sciences. I'm going to be like sooooo cultured.

Just read the first chapter of my creative course book and did a couple of the activities which included 'free writing' where you write whatever comes into your head as quickly as possible, and also mind mapping, whilst listening to Lianne La Havas (one of my new obsessions).

Its funny what comes out when you write. Mind maps are easier to control because your linking up ideas with other ideas so a connections formed in your mind before you write anything down. There's an element of control over what your putting on the page. Free writing takes me to deeper places in my mind that I'm not really expecting, similar to song writing. I discover things about myself every time I write without thinking, thoughts and feelings are highlighted that I didn't think were present.

The first mind map the book told me to focus on had a nuclear point of 'Fear' which is an interesting place to start for anyone. Thinking about it now, if someone asked me to define fear, I would say fear of heights, spiders, pain, pretty much all superficial things. And yet, when it came up in my open-minded state, the first three things I wrote were, myself, failure, and love. Did not know those were the top three, though thinking about it everyone wants to succeed at something, even if they don't know what it is yet. What's the point in being here if there's nothing your working towards? I think the difference I feel when pursuing a creative career is that I want to do something I love for the rest of my life. There's no easy path I can go down, and there's so many talented musicians and writers in the world that if I don't make it, I only have myself to blame really.  

It's been funny this summer, almost all my friends have finished uni and come home with their degrees ready to start climbing that ladder that will get them to where they want to be and I've been in this constant flux of 'Fuck, what the hell have I got to show for the past three years of my life?' and 'Thank god I'm not in debt'...though I must say the latter is usually an afterthought to make me feel better after the panic the first thought gives me. And its true, I don't have anything to prove what I've done in the past three years. Not in the same way that they do. I don't have something that proves I've been working for my future and my dream but I do have me. I've learnt so much in the past few years about myself and what I need to do to get to where I want to be, not to mention the growing confidence I have in my self, my music, and my abilities. I also have the optimism thats come from watching my friends and me growing into the people we're going to be, and the excitement of every new artist I listen to that inspires me and makes me want to step up my game. I have my awesome flat and my brilliant housemate. And I have baking. Nuff said.

So, after my reflective afternoon, I've looked at all the amazing things I have in my life to counteract looking at my top three 'fears' because, you know what I'm only 22. I'm hoping I've got another 60 odd years to work on those fears. Whatever I do, failure's never going to be an option as long as I'm doing something that makes me happy. I'd rather be dirt poor and singing or writing everyday, with my friends and family around me, than rich, lonely and doing something I hate. 

So on that note, here's a few things that have made me smile this week...Enjoy xxx

Streetfest Vs Carnival

Did NOT realise there was so much to Nelson Street! Jig-tastic music everywhere, (somehow it always sounds better when its free) and graffiti that totally blew me away. Saturday was standardly rammed, and all the different areas were awesome. Sunday was a more chilled affair but I went down to do some busking at the BCFM  stand anyway, which was fun. Slightly confusing finding the right spot in my rather delicate state, (there were roughly 6 different busking spots) but it was a good opportunity to have another look at all the graff and hear some fellow Brizzle musicians (scroll down for pics).

But I gotta say, despite the awesome street art, Notting Hill stole the show. I think the last time I went to carnival was about 7 years ago. I remember wandering around an unknown street, seeing some x-rated dancing, and drinking warm cider....some things never change. I thought it didn't get better than St Pauls, which is brilliant in its own right, but Notting Hill blew me away. The sheer amount of stages was insane, and the people! So. Many. People. I went down on the Sunday to 'get my bearings' which was... optimistic to say the least. Despite it being kiddy parade day, it was rammed, and the dancing was...of an adult nature. One of the more aggressive daggerings I was subjected to viewing was that of a woman in her mid 30's, on a moving platform, getting dry humped so vigorously that her breasts flew free from her top (...no bra, no need...). Sadly she didn't realise this until the pointing and laughing in the crowd began. Not that she was bothered. Popped em back in and carried on-carnival vibes! Horrendous and hilarious in equal measure.

Standardly I failed to sleep that night, despite meaning to take it easy to get ready for proper carnival on Monday...but hey! Ever the trooper, I filled up me rum bottle and headed out to try and find my stunner of a cousin shaking her money maker in the parade. Of course, I didn't manage to find her, but she looked stunning none the less! Highlight of carnival was the Digital Soundboy stage which hosted Rodigan b2b Breakage - fucking amazing. Ms. Dynamite popped in too. It was beyond rammo, so we managed to hop (or in my case clamber ungracefully) over a rather large fence and rave out in someones garden for a good few hours. Pretty much just a good day of dancing, ending with a sweaty tube ride to a friends house party...

Now, normally the journey wouldn't have a cause for mention because in general getting from A to B  is pretty boring. However, there is a story here that must be told... If you've ever been on the London Underground you'll have heard the booming voice which reminds individuals to 'MIND THE GAP' at every stop. Personally, I try and ignore that voice, because its annoying. And every time I hear it, there's a part of me that thinks, 'who is this actually  for? No-one is stupid enough to need that shouted at them every time they enter/exit a carriage'. Well, I'll tell you who its for. People like my friend Lowi. OH YES! IT HAPPENED! SHE FELL DOWN THE GAP!!! Never have I laughed so much on the tube. Gone were any thoughts of worry, sympathy, fear, I was a hysterical, giggling wreck. I don't quite know what happened apart from, one of her legs was in the carriage, the other was down the gap. How it got there, I'll never know. Thank god the boys behind pulled her up, because looking back I dread to think what could have happened. But really now, if even an intelligent girl like Lowi can be conquered by the gap, there is fear in my heart for us all. For the remainder of the journey, she was heavily supervised and the next day I was treated to this gem of a text: "Ow...my knee hurts, as does my hip. The gap was not a welcoming place for me. It was in fact, very hostile". Brilliant.

Overall, despite the fantabulous graffiti, I'd have to say Carnival 1: Streetfest 0 - Solid effort Brizzle, but this time London wins hands down.

 

The baker in me...

As I've mentioned before, I am a baking addict and am constantly being mocked by my family and friends for taking pictures of my triumphs pre consumption. It may seem odd to some, I've endured a couple of snipes along the lines of, "Why do you think anyone wants to see pictures of your food? Who cares what you're eating?!" Well...I do. And this is my blog. Which, more than anything else, is a place for me to document things I've enjoyed, thought about, or discovered in my life. Occasionally, food is one of those things. I like to cook, I like to eat, I like to feed. At the moment I like to experiment and blog about it. If this is not of interest to you, AVERT YOUR EYES.

For anyone that is interested, and fancies trying out one of my recipes, here have been my star baking moments over the past month...

First up is the IMMENSE carrot cake with orange zest butter icing that I made for one of my besties, Sophie O'Kelly's birthday. The recipe was to feed 8...I doubled it. The end result could have fed 20. The finish on the cake wasn't the perfect picture I'd hoped for, partly due to not having time to let the butter icing cool before piping it on, but overall I was happy with it. Got me a new icing bag off ebay especially for the occasion *happy face*. I didn't actually get to eat that much of it, but the nibble I did have was rather awesome (if I do say so myself).  I would post the recipe I was following but halfway through I started free-styling due to being a couple of ingredients short... Either way, the result was a very rich, moist cake which took roughly two hours to bake, and went down very quickly. Result!

My second bascapade (baking escapade) was cookies. I've always wanted to be a cookie master but every time I follow a recipe, they never come out the way I want. Too sweet, too crunchy, always too...something. So on Thursday I stumbled upon an experimenting opportunity-as usual there is a story behind it.

As any regular readers will know, I've been hitting it hard recently in the form of festivals, carnivals, street parties, and general frolicking around Bristol. Despite vowing I would eventually calm down and return to a regular routine, my body has taken matters into its own hands...and turned on me. For the past week I've been led in bed feeling sorry for myself, without the ability to stand, talk, or eat. Despite this, when I got a text off my friend asking if I could cook her dinner I said 'Yes, of course', and decided to throw a dinner party. I told everyone to bring a dish to cut down on the effort I'd need to put in...shocker! Nobody did. I ended up whipping up a meal for 6, of which I could stomach none of. I tried, I failed, I went to the kitchen to start making pudding. Post creaming together butter and sugar, supposedly for a cake, I realised I had no eggs so decided to make cookies instead. Normally, you need eggs for cookies because they provide the binding factor which helps them keep their shape, but they're not essential in terms of taste. As you can see from the first 'cookie' picture, the resulting aesthetics weren't incredibly pleasing but they still tasted pretty darn good.

Anyway, today at my mums I perfected the recipe, so that they were just as pleasing to the eye as they are to the mouth (that shouldn't sound weird but it does...ah well). I use spelt flour because I'm not a massive wheat fan, but you can use any kind of flour. Bread flour makes the end result a bit more doughy and gives the cracked top on the finished cookie. I normally split the batch before the *star* ingredient stage so I can make lots of different flavours. Out of one base batch I made peanut butter for my dad and raspberry for my mum.

SO- here are the basics for you to use in your own cookie journey...

125g butter
125g sugar
100g spelt flour
100g bread flour
1 egg
1/2 tsp vanilla essence
*star ingredient*

Firstly preheat the oven to 180 degrees and line a baking tray with parchment paper. Cream together the butter and sugar. Add in the beaten egg and vanilla essence. Sieve in the flours, add in pinch of bicarb of soda and baking powder. Mix together thoroughly and add your star ingredient (e.g peanut butter, raspberry jam, lemon curd, desiccated coconut etc). Take a heaped teaspoon of mixture and drop onto baking tray, push down slightly with back of spoon (make sure you leave enough space between drops for the mixture to spread) and put in the oven to bake for 15-20 mins. You should be able to tell when they're done by a crack appearing in the top.

The resulting cookies should be soft in the middle, not too sweet, and brilliantly bite-size so you can keep track of how many you've had (although personally I choose to 'lose count' after the fourth...).

Happy baking! xxx

Festivality Casualty

Having barely recovered from Secret Garden Party, along comes Boomtown! Now, I love a festival as much as the next raver. I fully  embrace my hippy side by wearing mismatched clothes, waving farewell to any sense of personal hygiene (bar the mandatory baby wipe shower), chattin breeze to individuals never to be seen again, and generally behaving in a raucous unashamed way. Fine for a festival, less acceptable in the real world. Of which I may have slightly lost grip of...however now thats all over, its time to say farewell to the festival mentality and start treating my body with a wee bit more TLC (for the most part). Today is a new day! But before I turn my back completely on the mud, portaloos, and uncomfortable moments day time drinking around children...here is the picture show of 2012 festival fun times...

SGP was a last minute outing - I'm talking the day before last minute. Got a cheapo ticket, knew a crew that was going, and was on me merry way! Though not before going to my big bro's wedding in London on the Friday which was amazing. Despite missing the actual wedding, it was so good to meet my sister in law and so many Anyia's - more than I've ever seen in recent memory! Also awesome to see my bro who looked so handsome in his white suit (which I ruined at the moment of my arrival by getting red lipstick on his lapels during an excitable hug...). After having a fair few glasses of strong red wine (drunk predominantly through the speeches-standard) I stumbled onto the tube with my festival bag, travelled to SGP, arrived at the festival finally around 10pm only to find that all my friends phones were off...bit of an issue as my festival bag was with them, as was my accommodation in the form of a shared tent.

Ever the optimist, I made myself a strong drink, put on my glasses, and decided I would wander the festival till I found them. The seeds of doubt began to form 45 minutes in, when at the main stage I realised it would be a miracle to find a group of 10 in a crowd of 26,000...and yet miracles do happen! I wandered down to the big tree by main stage, looked for a group of people dressed like maniacs, and low and behold! I had found my group. So that was Friday, Saturday was a day of halucinigenics, the dance-off, and the birth of the tripod. I laughed for eight hours straight, despite the sludge mud we were wading through and ended it by raving to Oxide and Neutrino, amazeballs. Sunday went by in a bit of a blur but there was dancing, there was drinking, there was laughing, with the slight fear at the back of the mind of the upcoming travel home....which was suitably horrendous. Thank god we had this song to play us out...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfw0pJUyT34










Then came Boomtown, where Bristol goes to listen to urban music in a field. The only downside I will say is...so many crusties, so little time for them. That aside, it was fucking amazing. The new garage area was a personal highlight. Everyone went in hard at the Bad Apple from day one which set the groundwork for upcoming carnage. Friday was mushroom day, laughing like a giddy idiot, and looking more lost than an abandoned child. Saturday was singing in the Hidden Wood with Laid Blak, meaning I kept myself fairly straight through the day. Arrived at the stage to a full house- literally had to battle my way to the front for when I was called up. Loved every moment of it, standard. Give me a mic, and a stage, and I'm home! Sunday, in a bid to make up for the easy ride the day before I started the day with vodka...realised that was a mistake when I went back to the tent to refill it and passed out for 3 hours - fail. That evening was Arcadia, and another little visit to the Bad Apple-where it all began. Overall, Boomtown = Bristol with no rules, and many a story. Wouldn't be a summer without it!

Beautiful People...

So, boomtown has been and gone and what a festival it was! I will report on it more fully when the pictures have landed. But I will say this-I went expecting to get mash-up for four days (which I did) but I didn't expect to embark upon any deep thoughts or realisations...that was a surprise.

Allow me to paint the picture...on Friday I managed to lose all my girls - bound to happen at some point, and unsurprisingly found myself raving at Arcadia with some other mates when out of the blue I start dancing with a bit of a fitty on my right. First hour I thought - jackpot! Good dancer, good kisser, bit of a looker...but after a few 'conversations' in which he told me which car he drove, how much of a playboy he was and how much money he makes, I realised that he was...how to phrase this...a dick.

I've never thought of myself as superficial and I've never wanted people to judge me by the way I look because I've always thought of myself as ugly and in some ways I've felt saddened by that. I always thought it would be nice to be considered as a 'beautiful one' because they had it easier and people automatically treat them better but after an encounter with this beautiful person I began to think it can be somewhat of a hindrance. How do you ever develop your personality when people aren't that interested in it? Why bother having anything thoughtful to say if people only ever see you in a superficial way? Obviously this is a huge generalisation, and I have many stunning friends who have equally stunning personalities but I do think there is something to be said about having to learn how to connect with people on a level that goes deeper than what you see on the outside.

I found it really rather hilarious that the guy in question couldn't quite understand when I told him money and material things didn't impress or interest me in any way. In fact I seem to remember him saying "oh, I just assumed because your attractive, you would be" which made me think quite a bit about how people see me now. Obviously this guy had lines he used on girls generally, and as he complimented me, promised me dinners and gifts etc, told me I was wifey material, ('which is a big thing for me innit cause I can have any girl, but I want you'.... Bellend.) and pulled out the stops to try and impress me, the more I went off him and I could see him getting confused but the difference between me and these other girls, is that I could see it was all bullshit. In fact later that night I told him, the thing is I have a brain, and I am a realist, and I look for more in a man than what I can see.

Maybe because of my past I find it hard to see myself the way other people see me, but it is quite a weird thing having being bullied because of the way I look for more than a decade, and now having lost some weight and having people find me attractive. A lot of the time its difficult not to think, fuck you. You didn't like me when I was fat, and I'm still the same person I was then so what's changed?! I'm now acceptable to get with because I've lost a few inches? Thanks, how very generous of you.

I know I'm pessimistic with men, and generally I don't have a lot of hope for romance, but I think its because in my mind I've had to work for people's acceptance all my life by being clever or funny or witty or entertaining in some way to make up for my appearance. I like having my own ideas, and something interesting to contribute in a conversation. To have new people put me in a 'pretty but dumb' box after just meeting me this late in life is more than a little annoying. And for people who have known me for years who suddenly find me attractive...also pretty annoying!

Anyway, rant over. Basically what I've discovered about myself is that I need to be a lot more in my life than a beautiful person. And if you have nothing interesting to say to me, do fuck off. I dont care about your money or your car or your six pack. If that's what you've spent your life working on, I really don't have any time for you. Give me interesting conversation over dirty talk any day. 

Before Boomtown...

Annoyingly insomnia has hit me before Boomtown. No sleep for Ngaio pre weekend of messines...this can only end well!

As I have some time to spare thought I'd share my latest cooking escapade which was making eclair's for Clare's birthday. Never made before, no idea how they were supposed to work...but Jonno dared me so I couldn't say no.

Made the recipe from: http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/chocolate_clairs_03600 and followed the recipe like my life depended on it...but sadly they didn't come out quite as planned...

I was proud of the creme patisserie (which I made from scratch), and rather enjoyed the tense filled moments desperately trying to prevent the mixture from turning into scrambled eggs, but the dough mixture was a little too dense so they didn't rise properly which made filling them a bit of a challenge... Though never one to waste, they turned into mock eclair biscuits... and Clare liked them so everyone's a winner!

Ngaio Anyia at St George's Acoustic Music Festival

So, I seem to remember mentioning earlier on in the blog my gig at St George's Festival which was tons of fun! So here it is: live and kicking for your listening pleasure...

Ngaio Anyia at St George's Acoustic Music Festival